Wednesday, December 24, 2008

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and on this very server
was a spawn-camping sniper, aiming with fervour.
His weapon was oiled, his scope was well-polished,
and he knew all too well that he would soon be admonished.

His places of hiding were chosen with relish,
in order to top the highscore chart he cherished.
The countdown had started, the game had begun,
the spawn-camping sniper was going to have fun.

'You cheat', nublets cried, 'You're clearly a hacker!'
'Well YOU suck at this game, you noob fucktard slacker'.
The insults rained down from every approach,
yet there was one subject they were to broach.

'Goddamit, you prick, you aimbotting faggot!'
'Boom headshot!' rejoiced the spawn-camping braggart.
'We're sick of your shit, you game-hacking scum!'
'Why don't you go home and then bareback your mum?'

'Reported' noobs cried, 'that's clearly harassment!'
'You sure you're not suffering from abject embarassment?'
'Boom headshot again!' the camper announced with great glee.
(His score had just ticked over to twenty three).

The noob players struggled, their plans were in tatters,
again and again their heads burst open in splatters.
The game was half over, the time was half through!
And yet the spawn-camper had so much to do.

He was still yet to kill someone with pistol or knife,
'I sure am so lucky that I have no real life'
He zoomed and he shot as the time ticked away,
'You cheat and you suck and your father is GAY!'

One minute was left, and victory was close,
yet our favourite camper was to be pipped at the post.
'Spawn_Camper_Oh_One has been killed by an admin'
'The fuck d'you do that for? I was going to win!

The time had wound down, the game was now done,
yet everyone stayed to watch the imminent fun.
'You cheated, you hacked and you exploited mechanics,
and you play to the beat of a terrible dance-mix.'

'FUCK YOU' shrieked the camper, his arms flailing in the air.
'Fuck you and your rules and your server, this ain't fair!'
The admin just smiled and was quite polite,
'I hope you like playing a game made of sprites!'

The camper was perma-banned, and the admin said with disgust,
'No one reads ever the EULA... DID SOMEONE JUST CUSS???'


Merry Christmas from one gamer to a group of others.

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