Wednesday, December 24, 2008

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and on this very server
was a spawn-camping sniper, aiming with fervour.
His weapon was oiled, his scope was well-polished,
and he knew all too well that he would soon be admonished.

His places of hiding were chosen with relish,
in order to top the highscore chart he cherished.
The countdown had started, the game had begun,
the spawn-camping sniper was going to have fun.

'You cheat', nublets cried, 'You're clearly a hacker!'
'Well YOU suck at this game, you noob fucktard slacker'.
The insults rained down from every approach,
yet there was one subject they were to broach.

'Goddamit, you prick, you aimbotting faggot!'
'Boom headshot!' rejoiced the spawn-camping braggart.
'We're sick of your shit, you game-hacking scum!'
'Why don't you go home and then bareback your mum?'

'Reported' noobs cried, 'that's clearly harassment!'
'You sure you're not suffering from abject embarassment?'
'Boom headshot again!' the camper announced with great glee.
(His score had just ticked over to twenty three).

The noob players struggled, their plans were in tatters,
again and again their heads burst open in splatters.
The game was half over, the time was half through!
And yet the spawn-camper had so much to do.

He was still yet to kill someone with pistol or knife,
'I sure am so lucky that I have no real life'
He zoomed and he shot as the time ticked away,
'You cheat and you suck and your father is GAY!'

One minute was left, and victory was close,
yet our favourite camper was to be pipped at the post.
'Spawn_Camper_Oh_One has been killed by an admin'
'The fuck d'you do that for? I was going to win!

The time had wound down, the game was now done,
yet everyone stayed to watch the imminent fun.
'You cheated, you hacked and you exploited mechanics,
and you play to the beat of a terrible dance-mix.'

'FUCK YOU' shrieked the camper, his arms flailing in the air.
'Fuck you and your rules and your server, this ain't fair!'
The admin just smiled and was quite polite,
'I hope you like playing a game made of sprites!'

The camper was perma-banned, and the admin said with disgust,
'No one reads ever the EULA... DID SOMEONE JUST CUSS???'

Merry Christmas from one gamer to a group of others.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Stopping the Clean Feed

Just another way you can help stop the proposed internet filter. Also, there's an anti-censorship protest on the steps of Parliament House in Adelaide at noon on the 13th of December.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Google is absolutely useless

Ok, so there's this suicide video a comedy duo put together ages ago, and I want to watch it again.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Can anything be funnier than suicide?' I was going to answer 'No', then I remembered a really funny anorexia video, so my judgement might be a bit clouded. At any rate, the suicide video goes like this:

Guy 1: 'I'm seriously considering killing myself'
Guy 2: 'Holy shit. Really?'
Guy 1: 'Hell no man. I'm just fucking with you. But seriously, I'm going to kill myself'

It goes on like that for ages until Guy 1 hangs himself at the end. It's a really funny video, but do you think I can find something constructive on Google with the keywords: 'suicide joke comedy hang 'I'm seriously going to hang myself''?


It's all serious and shit. Have you got ANY idea how many emo kids there are out there who post their suicidal intentions on the net? I'll give you a hint: 'The answer is "seven"'.

'Someone help me, I'm all depressed and gear, no one understands me. Also, I really like listening to shitty music' is a pretty popular subject.

'Everyone laughs at my stupid haircut, and makes fun of me because I wear makeup and talk alot of shit' is another one which I may or may not have made up just then.

These kids are crying out for help, and it's sad to see that alot of them aren't getting the support they need from their family and friends. I felt bad for them, so I took it upon myself to reach out and give these people the assistance they need, because no one else would.

I sent each of them a length of rope and a book called 'The Big Book of Useful Knots'.