Sunday, January 18, 2009

Facebook Poker

I confused the shit out of a guy on a poker table

I joined the game and typed, for a bit of a laugh

'Hey! He's using marked cards! ~draws six shooter~'

To which a player replied 'HOW??????'

I love scaring idiots

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Morality Equation

I've done it! I've actually fucking done it! Or at least I think I have. I think I've developed an equation which can calculate the probability of someone questioning your morality online.

Also, I usually hate maths... this just seemed to click with me. I'm calling it 'Law 23'. I could name it after myself but... that stuff doesn't fly. My age will have to suffice.

This Law is in response to people saying 'dude, your sense of what is appropriate and what isn't is way off' after I link them something. Similar comments are 'Gee, your moral compass isn't fucked or anything, is it?' or 'Christ! That's fucking terrible!'

It goes thusly:

Years spent online = Y
Length of 'offending' comment (in sentences) = L
Time taken to articulate said thought (minutes) = T
Probability of having your moral compass questioned = Mo

1/(Y x (L/T)) = Mo

Here's an example: A friend types out something which is pretty dodgy. The odds of me questioning his morality can be calculated like this:

Years I've spent 'living' online: 10
Length of comment = 4
Time taken to articulate said comment = 2 minutes.

.: 1 / (10 x (4/2)) = Mo
.: 1 / (10 x 2) = Mo
.: 1 / 20 = Mo.
.: There is a 1 in 20 chance of me questioning my mate's morality

This Law supports the theory that people new to the digital space are naive beyond all belief and are not accustomed to the internet's cultural conventions.
It also supports the fact that sometimes the shortest of comments can be the most offensive.

However, the most important theory that this Law supports is the one that goes 'Some people need empirical evidence before they shut the hell up' ie. 'SEE? You ARE naive! Law 23 PROVES it!'

I hope you can use this Law for both good and evil. I hope you can use it to prove to people that your moral compass isn't flawed, rather it's their digital inexperience which causes them to be offended.

'It's You, not Me'.