Just another way you can help stop the proposed internet filter. Also, there's an anti-censorship protest on the steps of Parliament House in Adelaide at noon on the 13th of December.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Google is absolutely useless
Ok, so there's this suicide video a comedy duo put together ages ago, and I want to watch it again.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Can anything be funnier than suicide?' I was going to answer 'No', then I remembered a really funny anorexia video, so my judgement might be a bit clouded. At any rate, the suicide video goes like this:
Guy 1: 'I'm seriously considering killing myself'
Guy 2: 'Holy shit. Really?'
Guy 1: 'Hell no man. I'm just fucking with you. But seriously, I'm going to kill myself'
It goes on like that for ages until Guy 1 hangs himself at the end. It's a really funny video, but do you think I can find something constructive on Google with the keywords: 'suicide joke comedy hang 'I'm seriously going to hang myself''?
HELL NO!
It's all serious and shit. Have you got ANY idea how many emo kids there are out there who post their suicidal intentions on the net? I'll give you a hint: 'The answer is "seven"'.
'Someone help me, I'm all depressed and gear, no one understands me. Also, I really like listening to shitty music' is a pretty popular subject.
'Everyone laughs at my stupid haircut, and makes fun of me because I wear makeup and talk alot of shit' is another one which I may or may not have made up just then.
These kids are crying out for help, and it's sad to see that alot of them aren't getting the support they need from their family and friends. I felt bad for them, so I took it upon myself to reach out and give these people the assistance they need, because no one else would.
I sent each of them a length of rope and a book called 'The Big Book of Useful Knots'.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'Can anything be funnier than suicide?' I was going to answer 'No', then I remembered a really funny anorexia video, so my judgement might be a bit clouded. At any rate, the suicide video goes like this:
Guy 1: 'I'm seriously considering killing myself'
Guy 2: 'Holy shit. Really?'
Guy 1: 'Hell no man. I'm just fucking with you. But seriously, I'm going to kill myself'
It goes on like that for ages until Guy 1 hangs himself at the end. It's a really funny video, but do you think I can find something constructive on Google with the keywords: 'suicide joke comedy hang 'I'm seriously going to hang myself''?
HELL NO!
It's all serious and shit. Have you got ANY idea how many emo kids there are out there who post their suicidal intentions on the net? I'll give you a hint: 'The answer is "seven"'.
'Someone help me, I'm all depressed and gear, no one understands me. Also, I really like listening to shitty music' is a pretty popular subject.
'Everyone laughs at my stupid haircut, and makes fun of me because I wear makeup and talk alot of shit' is another one which I may or may not have made up just then.
These kids are crying out for help, and it's sad to see that alot of them aren't getting the support they need from their family and friends. I felt bad for them, so I took it upon myself to reach out and give these people the assistance they need, because no one else would.
I sent each of them a length of rope and a book called 'The Big Book of Useful Knots'.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It's not very long, but it tries really really hard
If I don't have a solid job at the end of January 2009, I'm going overseas for a couple of months. Not to look for work, not to look for myself, but to look for things. Many people I know have travelled/are travellers and through various recent catalysts I too have plucked up the... courage? desire? lust? to see things that I've always wanted to see.
What I'd like from whoever reads this is some ideas or suggestions.
I MUST go to Machu Picchu/Peru, I MUST go to Chichen Itza, and I MUST go to the Giza Plateau and Petra. Europe might be nice. Siberia wouldn't be. Name some places, name some countries. Those who know me will think of some places I'd like to see, those who don't know me all that well might name some places that I'd never considered but would quite enjoy, those who don't know me at all might name some places which no one in their right mind would go to.
Cheers
What I'd like from whoever reads this is some ideas or suggestions.
I MUST go to Machu Picchu/Peru, I MUST go to Chichen Itza, and I MUST go to the Giza Plateau and Petra. Europe might be nice. Siberia wouldn't be. Name some places, name some countries. Those who know me will think of some places I'd like to see, those who don't know me all that well might name some places that I'd never considered but would quite enjoy, those who don't know me at all might name some places which no one in their right mind would go to.
Cheers
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Things that make my brain hurt
You know that feeling you get when there's something in your eye? Your body shuts down and you pull strange faces as you frantically scrape your eyes to dislodge whatever it is that is causing great discomfort. Your breathing becomes erratic, and your eyes water as the piece of foreign matter scratches against your eye. That is what ABBA does to my brain. It's like there's something in my eye, in my brain.
Dancing Queen, Waterloo, Mama Mia - they're all the same. My brain is freaking out just thinking about them. The sound is muddy, the vacant swaying back and forth is hypnotising (in a bad way) and the musical backing is so... old fashioned. Sure, the songs were produced nearly 40 years ago, but that doesn't matter a jot - alot of songs were made 40 years ago or more and they sound fantastic (Beatles? Led Zeppelin? Most things that aren't ABBA?). Hell, I know alot of people that were made 40 years ago or more, and they still sound alright, unless they're singing ABBA tracks.
The music makes me so damn rabid. I can't even think when it plays. Yes, I'm aware that a bunch of you are probably going to send me ABBA links, but I can be happy in the knowledge that you too will have to put yourself through some sort of pain to find 'the right song' to send me. Pre-emptive karma is sweet.
This got me thinking: if I hate ABBA, then surely a heap of other people do too! Then I thought: 'Hey, if I like watermelon, surely a heap of other people do too!'. I went a step further and thought 'Hey! What this blog needs is a list of some sort. Lists aren't ever done on websites.'
I had a few more trains of thought, but the only one they didn't get derailed was 'Hey! If alot of stuff makes MY brain hurt, there might be a ton of other people out there with sore heads as well! That almost makes me normal!'
Almost.
1. People who don't think before making important decisions
The title isn't as snappy as the titles at, say, Cracked.com (ahem, if you're hiring...) but I don't have an army of lemmings to do my bidding, so it'll have to suffice.
It's called the 'Knee-Jerk Reaction', or my personal favourite, 'Jumping on the Crazy Train'. It's when people are so damn fixed in their ways that logical argument cannot make them change direction, or at the very least re-evaluate their position. It's when you say 'Did you know that this previously held belief is now wrong? How about that? Turns out you DON'T need to flick the lights on and off three times before you leave the house, just doing it once still works!' Only to have them respond 'I don't know about that, I still think that flicking it three times is the best way to approach the problem.'
Whut? No! No no n... OH GOD THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE-BRAIN AGAIN. We all have our opinions and knowledge bases, and we are all guilty of staying aboard the Crazy Train every now and then, but flying in the face of irrefutable proof with alarming consistency just staggers me. Shit, I'd be satisfied if someone said, 'Really? Not three times? I might check it out' because they've at least listened to the new suggestion. South Australia's Attorney-General Michael Atkinson is the only AG in Australia to deny an R18+ rating for computer games, even though 90% of respondents (both gamers and non-gamers) to their study said that they wanted such ratings. He also vetoed any chance of the report being made public and open to discussion. Whut? That's... whut? That's crazy talk. And it's censorship and I won't go there right now...
The other variant is 'Look, I know what I'm saying is crazy, but I can't control it, that's who I am.'
Whut? If you know that you're... surely you can... OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. It's scary because these Fun Police usually think They Know Best and they actually make decisions that impact other people.
I know, they're insane. ON TO NUMBER TWO!
2. Idiotic Petrol Station Customers
Really, how hard is it to drive an extra 3 metres to the next bowser so the people behind you can take full advantage of the other pumps? No really, how hard? 'I'm in a hurry?' You're also a fucking idiot.
I get that you might have been at bowser 2 to start with because bowser 1 was currently in use. And I get the fact that the bowser 1 user might have driven off, making it look like you're a selfish arsehole. I get that, I'm cool with that. You can't control when other people drive off. That's fine. Deep breath, continue.
What I don't get is the people who only think of themselves at these damn things and stop right *there* because that's 'as far as I really need to go'. Whut? That's fucked. I also don't get the people who line up on ONE SIDE ONLY because that's the side that their petrol cap is, only to block entry into the station, thus rendering the SIX OTHER PUMPS COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS. Jesus Christ! Seriously. I was completely unaware that the hoses at petrol pumps are incapable of bending. I didn't know that it is impossible to use a right-side pump on a left-side cap. Use your fucking brains people. 'I don't want to scratch my car'. The hose is made of rubber, it can't scratch your car unless you lay it across the boot and move it back and forward whilst applying pressure. Harden the fuck up, seriously. Also, don't spend a full minute arranging your purse/doing your makeup/talking on the phone before driving off.
I'm not a road rage kind of guy, but a part of me does die a little bit inside when I see people dicking around like this.
3. Driving at erratic speeds
Choose a speed. Please, I beg you. Don't drive at 60km/h on an 80km/h straight, only to accelerate through turns. Don't change between 80km/h and 100km/h on a long stretch of road every 10 seconds, just because you can. If you can't maintain even pressure on the accelerator, maybe you, I don't know, shouldn't drive? Maybe your children should have put you in a home already? Thought about that? The constant speed up, slow down pattern is outright dangerous and demands more concentration from the following driver than should be necessary on a dead straight road in the middle of nowhere. Also, part of me cries quietly when I see this happening.
Another fun fact, 'Did you know that driving like a raging dickhead increases your chance of crashing?' True story. If you're a rabid speed-changer, then you fit this category which, I guess, makes you a raging dickhead.
4. People who think everything MUST be done THEIR way
It doesn't. Deal with it. Move on. In this case, your opinion is wrong. Take it on board, take a deep breath, make yourself a cup of tea, go out in the garden, walk the dog, drive to the beach, stroll through a forest, talk to your neighbours, tidy the house, read a book, browse the internet, knit, do some thai chi, do some thai bo, do a thai bloke, scratch that itch, do ANYTHING which makes you realise that the world will still work (and has worked rather well for thousands of years) without doing things YOUR way. Do whatever you want in your own life (going about raping and murdering doesn't count), live your life how you see fit, just don't MAKE others live how you see fit.
Other things people could try: Go for a run, take up weight lifting, learn to sing, write a book, learn an instrument, mow the lawn, buy a cat, work at a zoo, injure yourself, take up a sport, dance for no reason, rub your bare feet on the carpet for 5 full minutes like Bruce Willis does in Die Hard because it feels really good and makes you feel alot better, roll around on the floor for no reason, have an epiphany, pick your nose, stretch, bounce.
5. ABBA
Did I mention ABBA already? I think I did.
6. People who take sport WAY too seriously
I like sports. I like playing different sports. I take sport and winning seriously, because it makes me play better. Having said that, I don't take it so seriously that a loss is the end of the world, that a conceded goal demands seppuku of the goal keeper, that a mistake requires a reddening of the face and a bursting of the blood vessels. Some people freak out way too much. Game over, you lost, ah well, that is disappointing, life goes on, yeah?
Being a professional athelete is a different story - but as far as amateurs go, lighten up. Try your very best, get fitter, have a laugh, sweat alot, improve.
If you're the person in the heading then wow, ease up turbo. Shrieking at your own players doesn't do squat (ok, so I did it once, we all make mistakes), it just makes the other team laugh alot and place bets on how long it'll take before Player One assaults Player Two with a referee. It's a fun game to play, you should try it once the red haze has died down. In a social league you're there to have some fun and have a laugh (at least that's what my soccer team's purpose is). Having said that, winning IS fun, we don't play to lose. Why would anyone play to lose?
7. People who play to lose
WHY? I don't get it. You put time and energy into something, then you just throw the game or walk off or quit just before the end? That's just weird, no analysis needed.
8. More flakes than clusters in boxes of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes Nut Clusters
They are delicious. Really delicious. Delicious to the point that I start sweating and rocking back and forth when I find that a shake of the box yields no clustery goodness. More flakes? Are you serious? It's the clusters we want! If I wanted flakes I'd just buy plain old Flakes-in-a-Box or whatever the kids call them these days. I demand clusters. I DEMAND MORE.
Excuse me, I have a flake in my eye in my brain.
9. Getting something in my eye
Because it feels like there's something in my eye. What, you LIKE having something in your eye? I bet you like ABBA as well, and taking up bowser space, and driving too slow or too fast, and telling everyone how they HAVE to live, and not listening to rational argument. I bet you LIVE on the Crazy Train. No! Wait! Even better! You DRIVE the Crazy Train and spruik for passengers! You probably take sport and games too seriously as well, I bet you think nothing of quitting a computer game or walking off the pitch just as you're about to lose. I BET YOU HATE CRUNCHY NUT CORNFLAKES NUT CLUSTERS AS WELL. Christ! I bet you... hang on, I need a new number.
10. Religious Fanatics
You think that The Bible, The Quran, The Dungeons and Dragons Codex (revision 73) are as real as real as real can be. You think that not following these texts to the letter means that you will burn in Hell / Always roll a 1 on a 20-sided dice. You think that you're *better* than everyone because 'You've "found" [Deity of Choice]'. You think you are the keeper of the most wonderous secret and that everyone else is a heathen/heretic/fails save vs death rolls. You think that unless the world is governed according to strict religious principles then it'll turn to shit.
I have news for you - it turns out, that when a nation IS governed by strict religious principles, bad things happen. Women are punished if they don't cover up (what kind of fucked up rule is that? Women are beautiful creatures. You'd think that the Patriarchal Religious Right would demand that they DON'T cover up. Weird.). Women are killed for talking to a random bloke, men and women alike are punished for drinking certain drinks, eating certain foods, discussing certain topics, listening to certain music (or ANY music for that matter). What kind of fucked up system is that?
Sure, I can identify with a few of the 'rules'. Don't murder? I can deal with that. Don't steal shit? I can deal with that. Respect your parents? Sure, as long as they respect me in turn (which they do). Most things are a two-way street. Yes, oppression is a terrible thing, but yes, there are some boundaries a society should operate within - fairly wide boundaries one would hope.
I have no problem (contrary to popular belief) with people having a belief system. No problem at all. If someone wants to avoid eating pork/drinking nice wine/wearing nice clothes/discovering new information, they can, and more power to them (figure of speech, I don't mean ACTUAL power, that's just silly). If they want to believe that a guy lived 2000 years ago and turned water to wine and walked on water and came back from the dead and was the son of an invisible sky wizard, then they should be allowed to do so. My problem comes from them saying 'So and so told me to do it' or 'I should do this because [Insert Here] says so' or, my favourite, 'You must do this because this book tells you to'. Free Will, people. There might be some lessons to be learned from these stories (like all stories, really. I learned alot from Roald Dahl's stories... for better or worse). Just take them with a grain of salt, and don't feel guilty for doing so. I'll leave this picture as food for thought.
Cheers guys
Dancing Queen, Waterloo, Mama Mia - they're all the same. My brain is freaking out just thinking about them. The sound is muddy, the vacant swaying back and forth is hypnotising (in a bad way) and the musical backing is so... old fashioned. Sure, the songs were produced nearly 40 years ago, but that doesn't matter a jot - alot of songs were made 40 years ago or more and they sound fantastic (Beatles? Led Zeppelin? Most things that aren't ABBA?). Hell, I know alot of people that were made 40 years ago or more, and they still sound alright, unless they're singing ABBA tracks.
The music makes me so damn rabid. I can't even think when it plays. Yes, I'm aware that a bunch of you are probably going to send me ABBA links, but I can be happy in the knowledge that you too will have to put yourself through some sort of pain to find 'the right song' to send me. Pre-emptive karma is sweet.
This got me thinking: if I hate ABBA, then surely a heap of other people do too! Then I thought: 'Hey, if I like watermelon, surely a heap of other people do too!'. I went a step further and thought 'Hey! What this blog needs is a list of some sort. Lists aren't ever done on websites.'
I had a few more trains of thought, but the only one they didn't get derailed was 'Hey! If alot of stuff makes MY brain hurt, there might be a ton of other people out there with sore heads as well! That almost makes me normal!'
Almost.
1. People who don't think before making important decisions
The title isn't as snappy as the titles at, say, Cracked.com (ahem, if you're hiring...) but I don't have an army of lemmings to do my bidding, so it'll have to suffice.
It's called the 'Knee-Jerk Reaction', or my personal favourite, 'Jumping on the Crazy Train'. It's when people are so damn fixed in their ways that logical argument cannot make them change direction, or at the very least re-evaluate their position. It's when you say 'Did you know that this previously held belief is now wrong? How about that? Turns out you DON'T need to flick the lights on and off three times before you leave the house, just doing it once still works!' Only to have them respond 'I don't know about that, I still think that flicking it three times is the best way to approach the problem.'
Whut? No! No no n... OH GOD THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE-BRAIN AGAIN. We all have our opinions and knowledge bases, and we are all guilty of staying aboard the Crazy Train every now and then, but flying in the face of irrefutable proof with alarming consistency just staggers me. Shit, I'd be satisfied if someone said, 'Really? Not three times? I might check it out' because they've at least listened to the new suggestion. South Australia's Attorney-General Michael Atkinson is the only AG in Australia to deny an R18+ rating for computer games, even though 90% of respondents (both gamers and non-gamers) to their study said that they wanted such ratings. He also vetoed any chance of the report being made public and open to discussion. Whut? That's... whut? That's crazy talk. And it's censorship and I won't go there right now...
The other variant is 'Look, I know what I'm saying is crazy, but I can't control it, that's who I am.'
Whut? If you know that you're... surely you can... OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. It's scary because these Fun Police usually think They Know Best and they actually make decisions that impact other people.
I know, they're insane. ON TO NUMBER TWO!
2. Idiotic Petrol Station Customers
Really, how hard is it to drive an extra 3 metres to the next bowser so the people behind you can take full advantage of the other pumps? No really, how hard? 'I'm in a hurry?' You're also a fucking idiot.
I get that you might have been at bowser 2 to start with because bowser 1 was currently in use. And I get the fact that the bowser 1 user might have driven off, making it look like you're a selfish arsehole. I get that, I'm cool with that. You can't control when other people drive off. That's fine. Deep breath, continue.
What I don't get is the people who only think of themselves at these damn things and stop right *there* because that's 'as far as I really need to go'. Whut? That's fucked. I also don't get the people who line up on ONE SIDE ONLY because that's the side that their petrol cap is, only to block entry into the station, thus rendering the SIX OTHER PUMPS COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS. Jesus Christ! Seriously. I was completely unaware that the hoses at petrol pumps are incapable of bending. I didn't know that it is impossible to use a right-side pump on a left-side cap. Use your fucking brains people. 'I don't want to scratch my car'. The hose is made of rubber, it can't scratch your car unless you lay it across the boot and move it back and forward whilst applying pressure. Harden the fuck up, seriously. Also, don't spend a full minute arranging your purse/doing your makeup/talking on the phone before driving off.
I'm not a road rage kind of guy, but a part of me does die a little bit inside when I see people dicking around like this.
3. Driving at erratic speeds
Choose a speed. Please, I beg you. Don't drive at 60km/h on an 80km/h straight, only to accelerate through turns. Don't change between 80km/h and 100km/h on a long stretch of road every 10 seconds, just because you can. If you can't maintain even pressure on the accelerator, maybe you, I don't know, shouldn't drive? Maybe your children should have put you in a home already? Thought about that? The constant speed up, slow down pattern is outright dangerous and demands more concentration from the following driver than should be necessary on a dead straight road in the middle of nowhere. Also, part of me cries quietly when I see this happening.
Another fun fact, 'Did you know that driving like a raging dickhead increases your chance of crashing?' True story. If you're a rabid speed-changer, then you fit this category which, I guess, makes you a raging dickhead.
4. People who think everything MUST be done THEIR way
It doesn't. Deal with it. Move on. In this case, your opinion is wrong. Take it on board, take a deep breath, make yourself a cup of tea, go out in the garden, walk the dog, drive to the beach, stroll through a forest, talk to your neighbours, tidy the house, read a book, browse the internet, knit, do some thai chi, do some thai bo, do a thai bloke, scratch that itch, do ANYTHING which makes you realise that the world will still work (and has worked rather well for thousands of years) without doing things YOUR way. Do whatever you want in your own life (going about raping and murdering doesn't count), live your life how you see fit, just don't MAKE others live how you see fit.
Other things people could try: Go for a run, take up weight lifting, learn to sing, write a book, learn an instrument, mow the lawn, buy a cat, work at a zoo, injure yourself, take up a sport, dance for no reason, rub your bare feet on the carpet for 5 full minutes like Bruce Willis does in Die Hard because it feels really good and makes you feel alot better, roll around on the floor for no reason, have an epiphany, pick your nose, stretch, bounce.
5. ABBA
Did I mention ABBA already? I think I did.
6. People who take sport WAY too seriously
I like sports. I like playing different sports. I take sport and winning seriously, because it makes me play better. Having said that, I don't take it so seriously that a loss is the end of the world, that a conceded goal demands seppuku of the goal keeper, that a mistake requires a reddening of the face and a bursting of the blood vessels. Some people freak out way too much. Game over, you lost, ah well, that is disappointing, life goes on, yeah?
Being a professional athelete is a different story - but as far as amateurs go, lighten up. Try your very best, get fitter, have a laugh, sweat alot, improve.
If you're the person in the heading then wow, ease up turbo. Shrieking at your own players doesn't do squat (ok, so I did it once, we all make mistakes), it just makes the other team laugh alot and place bets on how long it'll take before Player One assaults Player Two with a referee. It's a fun game to play, you should try it once the red haze has died down. In a social league you're there to have some fun and have a laugh (at least that's what my soccer team's purpose is). Having said that, winning IS fun, we don't play to lose. Why would anyone play to lose?
7. People who play to lose
WHY? I don't get it. You put time and energy into something, then you just throw the game or walk off or quit just before the end? That's just weird, no analysis needed.
8. More flakes than clusters in boxes of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes Nut Clusters
They are delicious. Really delicious. Delicious to the point that I start sweating and rocking back and forth when I find that a shake of the box yields no clustery goodness. More flakes? Are you serious? It's the clusters we want! If I wanted flakes I'd just buy plain old Flakes-in-a-Box or whatever the kids call them these days. I demand clusters. I DEMAND MORE.
Excuse me, I have a flake in my eye in my brain.
9. Getting something in my eye
Because it feels like there's something in my eye. What, you LIKE having something in your eye? I bet you like ABBA as well, and taking up bowser space, and driving too slow or too fast, and telling everyone how they HAVE to live, and not listening to rational argument. I bet you LIVE on the Crazy Train. No! Wait! Even better! You DRIVE the Crazy Train and spruik for passengers! You probably take sport and games too seriously as well, I bet you think nothing of quitting a computer game or walking off the pitch just as you're about to lose. I BET YOU HATE CRUNCHY NUT CORNFLAKES NUT CLUSTERS AS WELL. Christ! I bet you... hang on, I need a new number.
10. Religious Fanatics
You think that The Bible, The Quran, The Dungeons and Dragons Codex (revision 73) are as real as real as real can be. You think that not following these texts to the letter means that you will burn in Hell / Always roll a 1 on a 20-sided dice. You think that you're *better* than everyone because 'You've "found" [Deity of Choice]'. You think you are the keeper of the most wonderous secret and that everyone else is a heathen/heretic/fails save vs death rolls. You think that unless the world is governed according to strict religious principles then it'll turn to shit.
I have news for you - it turns out, that when a nation IS governed by strict religious principles, bad things happen. Women are punished if they don't cover up (what kind of fucked up rule is that? Women are beautiful creatures. You'd think that the Patriarchal Religious Right would demand that they DON'T cover up. Weird.). Women are killed for talking to a random bloke, men and women alike are punished for drinking certain drinks, eating certain foods, discussing certain topics, listening to certain music (or ANY music for that matter). What kind of fucked up system is that?
Sure, I can identify with a few of the 'rules'. Don't murder? I can deal with that. Don't steal shit? I can deal with that. Respect your parents? Sure, as long as they respect me in turn (which they do). Most things are a two-way street. Yes, oppression is a terrible thing, but yes, there are some boundaries a society should operate within - fairly wide boundaries one would hope.
I have no problem (contrary to popular belief) with people having a belief system. No problem at all. If someone wants to avoid eating pork/drinking nice wine/wearing nice clothes/discovering new information, they can, and more power to them (figure of speech, I don't mean ACTUAL power, that's just silly). If they want to believe that a guy lived 2000 years ago and turned water to wine and walked on water and came back from the dead and was the son of an invisible sky wizard, then they should be allowed to do so. My problem comes from them saying 'So and so told me to do it' or 'I should do this because [Insert Here] says so' or, my favourite, 'You must do this because this book tells you to'. Free Will, people. There might be some lessons to be learned from these stories (like all stories, really. I learned alot from Roald Dahl's stories... for better or worse). Just take them with a grain of salt, and don't feel guilty for doing so. I'll leave this picture as food for thought.
Cheers guys
Monday, October 20, 2008
Australian Government Censors the Internet
At least they will if this plan get puts into effect.
Like any intelligent Australian, I have a problem with this. I have a problem with the fact that the government thinks they know what is 'appropriate' for me, as an adult, to view. I have a problem with the fact that they think they have a clear-cut definition of 'morality'. I have a problem with the fact that the government that was elected by the majority of Australians has an innate distrust of its constituents. I have a problem with the fact that Australia will become the next China, North Korea or Russia.
The minister, Stephen Conroy, is using 'child pornography' as his war cry. In this article he associates 'free speech' with 'the desire to access and watch child pornography'. Who in their right mind makes that association? Paedophiles is who. If the government was serious, they would target child porn sites one by one and take them down. No one is advocating a need to watch child porn, so that argument is moot.
'Senator Conroy says it will be mandatory for all internet service providers to provide clean feeds, or ISP filtering, to houses and schools that are free of pornography and inappropriate material.'
What will be deemed 'inappropriate'? Who decides this anyway? Conroy? Rudd? Their mothers? I understand the need to educate our children and protect them from potentially scarring incidents (2girls1cup, anyone?) but that does not require a blanket censorship of the internet. If anything, they should spend part of the proposed $128m on parent-education packs which would be sent out upon request. This is a positive step that doesn't involve turning Australia into a technological and global laughing stock. Some may argue that those in opposition to this plan are all pornography addicts, child molesters, terrorists, traitors, morally corrupt individuals and hardened criminals.
I'm in opposition to this proposal, and I'm none of the above. My problem with this plan is that the government thinks they need to 'protect' the population from the big scary internet. The first filter blocks out 'pornography and violent images' according to Senator Conroy. The second filter, the one that wasn't publicised, and was only learned about via insiders, is the one which blocks 'illegal content'. Tell me, what constitutes 'illegal content'? Torrent sites? Terribly sorry, but they host a wealth of 'legal' content. Porn sites? Pornography is legal and doesn't claim to be aimed at a young audience. Sites which speak out against the government? I would certainly hope not, although preliminary trials suggest that a couple of sites which speak ill of the government were blocked - which begs the question 'Where will it stop?' Will internet sites be blocked if they disagree with government policies? Will people be prosecuted for visiting such websites after circumventing the filters? Will the website blacklist be compiled using an arbitrary method of judging what is 'moral' or 'immoral'?
It certainly will be. This cannot be argued against. What is considered 'moral' differs between people. I think this blanket censoring is immoral on the government's part. Others may disagree. I cannot imagine why.
Here's some fun facts about this proposed filter:
'Between 1% and 6% of websites deemed 'safe' will still be blocked.' Even if you pick 1%, that's still 10,000 websites out of every million, and since Google recently counted over a trillion unique websites, that means 10 billion websites will be incorrectly blocked. This site might even be blocked because of it. A YouTube site containing offensive language (which, let's face it, means all of them, if the Comments section is any indication) may be blocked. This is not right.
'Internet access will slow by up to 78%' according to a government report. 78% is HUGE. My 1.5mbit connection would be reduced to 330kps. It would go from being 26x faster than 56k dialup to 5.8x faster than dialup. That is definitely not good enough. Couple this with the fact that the Rudd government is pushing for a faster internet network and you end up with a heap of contradictory bullshit.
'The cost of internet access to Australian users would increase' because ISPs would have to pass on the cost of filtering to customers. Think your internet plans cost too much already? Just wait until the filters get put in place!
'The internet will lose its status as one of the last true neutral zones of communication'. I don't have a reference for that one, because it's so blatantly obvious I shouldn't have to provide one. It's the last bastion of true free speech. I can say what I want over MSN/Facebook/IRC/Forums without 'fear' of retribution from the government because they don't agree with what I have to say. Hell, this blog, small as it is, might be banned under the new filters because I have the keywords 'dissent, child pornography, censor, bullshit, terrorist' on it. This means that any other post I make would be inaccessible too. I don't pretend that this site is Reuters or Google, but the fact remains that it's MINE, and there is alot of info on here which doesn't Contradict Or Question The Australian Federal Government's Plan To Censor Internet Access.
Yes, there are some unpleasant things on the internet. There's violence, there's racism, there's unconventional sex, there's a manual for making bombs/committing suicide/developing anorexia/child porn whatever else you can think of. If you don't want to visit these sites, then don't. There, problem solved. If you do, then you need to consider why you're doing it. If you are concerned that your children are accessing this stuff, then obtain the free filtering software that the government is currently offering, or better yet, buy some software that works better. If you're concerned that your friends or people you know are unstable enough to pursue anorexia or suicide, then you need to actively discourage them from doing so and point them in a helpful direction. If you're after child pornography, then you're a sick fuck who deserves to rot in prison.
Censoring the internet is impossible, impractical, immoral (one person making a blanket decision for everyone IS immoral, you have no right to tell someone else how to live), inconvenient, terrifying and ridiculous. I do NOT want Australia to become the next China, North Korea or Russia, despite what Conroy naively thinks.
If you are as incensed by this as I am, I encourage you to go to http://nocleanfeed.com for more information, and here to find out how you can make a difference. I usually hate this 'together we can make a difference' stuff, but when it comes to the internet, it's all we have - we don't have trucks to blockade roads with, or placards to clog Wall Street with - all we have is our voice.
If you do choose to contact any government minister or news outlet, please keep your correspondence rational, mature and devoid of name-calling - we're all adults here.
Cheers guys.
Like any intelligent Australian, I have a problem with this. I have a problem with the fact that the government thinks they know what is 'appropriate' for me, as an adult, to view. I have a problem with the fact that they think they have a clear-cut definition of 'morality'. I have a problem with the fact that the government that was elected by the majority of Australians has an innate distrust of its constituents. I have a problem with the fact that Australia will become the next China, North Korea or Russia.
The minister, Stephen Conroy, is using 'child pornography' as his war cry. In this article he associates 'free speech' with 'the desire to access and watch child pornography'. Who in their right mind makes that association? Paedophiles is who. If the government was serious, they would target child porn sites one by one and take them down. No one is advocating a need to watch child porn, so that argument is moot.
'Senator Conroy says it will be mandatory for all internet service providers to provide clean feeds, or ISP filtering, to houses and schools that are free of pornography and inappropriate material.'
What will be deemed 'inappropriate'? Who decides this anyway? Conroy? Rudd? Their mothers? I understand the need to educate our children and protect them from potentially scarring incidents (2girls1cup, anyone?) but that does not require a blanket censorship of the internet. If anything, they should spend part of the proposed $128m on parent-education packs which would be sent out upon request. This is a positive step that doesn't involve turning Australia into a technological and global laughing stock. Some may argue that those in opposition to this plan are all pornography addicts, child molesters, terrorists, traitors, morally corrupt individuals and hardened criminals.
I'm in opposition to this proposal, and I'm none of the above. My problem with this plan is that the government thinks they need to 'protect' the population from the big scary internet. The first filter blocks out 'pornography and violent images' according to Senator Conroy. The second filter, the one that wasn't publicised, and was only learned about via insiders, is the one which blocks 'illegal content'. Tell me, what constitutes 'illegal content'? Torrent sites? Terribly sorry, but they host a wealth of 'legal' content. Porn sites? Pornography is legal and doesn't claim to be aimed at a young audience. Sites which speak out against the government? I would certainly hope not, although preliminary trials suggest that a couple of sites which speak ill of the government were blocked - which begs the question 'Where will it stop?' Will internet sites be blocked if they disagree with government policies? Will people be prosecuted for visiting such websites after circumventing the filters? Will the website blacklist be compiled using an arbitrary method of judging what is 'moral' or 'immoral'?
It certainly will be. This cannot be argued against. What is considered 'moral' differs between people. I think this blanket censoring is immoral on the government's part. Others may disagree. I cannot imagine why.
Here's some fun facts about this proposed filter:
'Between 1% and 6% of websites deemed 'safe' will still be blocked.' Even if you pick 1%, that's still 10,000 websites out of every million, and since Google recently counted over a trillion unique websites, that means 10 billion websites will be incorrectly blocked. This site might even be blocked because of it. A YouTube site containing offensive language (which, let's face it, means all of them, if the Comments section is any indication) may be blocked. This is not right.
'Internet access will slow by up to 78%' according to a government report. 78% is HUGE. My 1.5mbit connection would be reduced to 330kps. It would go from being 26x faster than 56k dialup to 5.8x faster than dialup. That is definitely not good enough. Couple this with the fact that the Rudd government is pushing for a faster internet network and you end up with a heap of contradictory bullshit.
'The cost of internet access to Australian users would increase' because ISPs would have to pass on the cost of filtering to customers. Think your internet plans cost too much already? Just wait until the filters get put in place!
'The internet will lose its status as one of the last true neutral zones of communication'. I don't have a reference for that one, because it's so blatantly obvious I shouldn't have to provide one. It's the last bastion of true free speech. I can say what I want over MSN/Facebook/IRC/Forums without 'fear' of retribution from the government because they don't agree with what I have to say. Hell, this blog, small as it is, might be banned under the new filters because I have the keywords 'dissent, child pornography, censor, bullshit, terrorist' on it. This means that any other post I make would be inaccessible too. I don't pretend that this site is Reuters or Google, but the fact remains that it's MINE, and there is alot of info on here which doesn't Contradict Or Question The Australian Federal Government's Plan To Censor Internet Access.
Yes, there are some unpleasant things on the internet. There's violence, there's racism, there's unconventional sex, there's a manual for making bombs/committing suicide/developing anorexia/child porn whatever else you can think of. If you don't want to visit these sites, then don't. There, problem solved. If you do, then you need to consider why you're doing it. If you are concerned that your children are accessing this stuff, then obtain the free filtering software that the government is currently offering, or better yet, buy some software that works better. If you're concerned that your friends or people you know are unstable enough to pursue anorexia or suicide, then you need to actively discourage them from doing so and point them in a helpful direction. If you're after child pornography, then you're a sick fuck who deserves to rot in prison.
Censoring the internet is impossible, impractical, immoral (one person making a blanket decision for everyone IS immoral, you have no right to tell someone else how to live), inconvenient, terrifying and ridiculous. I do NOT want Australia to become the next China, North Korea or Russia, despite what Conroy naively thinks.
If you are as incensed by this as I am, I encourage you to go to http://nocleanfeed.com for more information, and here to find out how you can make a difference. I usually hate this 'together we can make a difference' stuff, but when it comes to the internet, it's all we have - we don't have trucks to blockade roads with, or placards to clog Wall Street with - all we have is our voice.
If you do choose to contact any government minister or news outlet, please keep your correspondence rational, mature and devoid of name-calling - we're all adults here.
Cheers guys.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Importance of Exploration
About two weeks ago, give or take, scientists at CERN fired up the Large Hadron Collider for the first time. They shot a beam of protons at close to the speed of light around a ring 27km in circumference. Such was the speed that the protons flicked around this ring 11,000 times every second. That alone is mind-boggling, but couple it with the fact that it was a man-made event, and it becomes truly astounding.
Bear with me, this short scientific spiel is important.
Depending on the sources people cite, or the currencies in which they operate, the LHC cost $6-10bn. It is the largest machine ever built by man, it is the fastest any matter has been made to spin by man, and it operates in an environment as close to Absolute Zero (-273.15 degrees Celsius) as we can get, all while being 100 metres below France and, at times, Switzerland. Is that not one of the most impressive things you have ever heard? Humans have dug a massive tunnel, have constructed an incredibly intricate system of inter-connecting pipes and magnets, and have constructed all of this with a margin of error of mere microns.
This is the pinnacle of human exploration thus far. Scientists are probing the structure of sub-atomic particles, examining the very fabric of reality and, according to some plebian scum, putting the world in grave danger. Why? Because it's there (or in the case of the Higgs Boson which physicists are trying to detect, because it may not be). Humankind is playing with what used to be the sole property of the stars, and it's terribly exciting.
For some, this is a staggeringly momentous occasion; the point where everything we know about physics and reality may depart us, leaving us to re-evaluate everything we thought we knew about, well, everything. For other people the experiment at CERN is a symbol of extravagant and wasteful spending. This saddens me greatly.
Where did the joy that filled the hearts of these people as children go? Do they not remember the euphoria they experienced when they reached the top of a previously unclimbable tree?
Exploration is what humans do. We ask questions. We travel over the horizon. We look to the stars, below the waves, beneath the earth, over the hill. And do you know why we do it? Because these things are there. Who knows what benefits will be reaped from the seeds of our effort?
In the olden days, and I use the term because it seems that in the eyes of many, these days are well and truly gone, explorers lived up to their name and trekked the mountains and sailed the seas in search of 'what was over there'. Columbus sailed west, looking for a faster route to the East Indies, but instead ran into the North and South Americas. Whether he actually landed there first or not is moot, because the fact is, he found something that he wasn't expecting, and look how it has improved the world today. New resources, new people, new ideas. I do not care about politics here. The world was made richer for his exploration.
James Cook went looking for Australia, because some jokers thought there might be something down there. The list of explorers and adventurers goes on and on, but the point remains: they changed the way we see the world. Their expeditions were expensive, people called them mad, but they persisted and everyone benefited.
The same goes for the LHC and other expensive scientific and exploratory endeavours. The Hubble Telescope. There, another marvel of engineering. Its original reflecting mirror was out by 4 microns. That is smaller than the gap you get between your fingers when you hold it up to a half-open eye. It is tiny, and yet it rendered the multi-billion dollar telescope useless until they made a new one. Naysayers clamoured for the program to be axed, because they did not appreciate the art of discovery. They were fools, because shortly after Hubble was restarted it gave us pictures like this:
http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire_collection/pr2004010a/
Is that not one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen? That is out there, beyond our world. Had people not persisted, we would have no appreciation of how large our galaxy is, no appreciation of how colossal our universe may be, no concept of how stunning the forces of the cosmos can be. We have benefited from experiments like Hubble. We can track asteroids that may one day smack into us. We can see deep into other solar systems. We may even find signs of life. It's exciting because once upon a time these things, as far as we were concerned, did not exist, and now they do, and that is amazing.
The desire to learn about our world is so strong that we went to the bottom of the ocean 'just to have a look', much like we trekked through jungles to find traces of people who once lived there. To what end? Why, to see what was there of course! It just so happened that along the way we stumbled across the reason for the demise of the Mayans of central American (they literally ate themselves out of house and home and had to move on). With this knowledge we can take steps to avoid repeating these mistakes. Finding a source of renewable geothermal power on the ocean floor would be a pretty massive achievement too.
The Japanese have created an organisation which aims to build a Space elevator (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article4799369.ece).
In short, it's a capsule which ascends wires into orbit. It'd be cheaper than rocketry, more environmentally friendly, and will allow the easy transportation of equipment and people into space. Whether they'll get it working or not is another story, but the fact remains that they are dead serious about it and are giving it their all. The price tag they have set is $9bn for the project which, all things considered, is pretty damn cheap. People wax lyrical about the virtues of spending this money on food and attempting to eradicate poverty but this simple fact remains: we don't know what can be gained by doing this, so we must do it to find out.
People are constantly looking for greener grass. They are looking for new jobs, new houses, new cars, new foods, new sources of energy, new ways of conducting business, new ways of improving our blue marble (psst, it's 'Earth'). People are exploring every day, whether they are conscious of it or not, and yet still have the nerve to call expensive forms of exploration a 'waste of time and money'.
Questioning our world and the knowledge and beliefs that govern it is of utmost importance. Without questions we stagnate and find ourselves living in an inferior manner to what is achieveable. The unknown is tantalising and, sometimes, better than the known.
Exploration is magnificent but it's the Discovery that is wondrous.
I started with the LHC because it is the greatest machine ever conceived by man, and it has been built in our lifetime. It is colossal, it is frighteningly cold and it is asking some pretty massive questions. 'How does matter have mass?' for instance. Did you know that physicists don't actually know why stuff has a mass? Based on what the smartest people on our planet know (and this includes Stephen fucking Hawking), stuff should not have mass, and yet it does. Finding out why could have far-reaching benefits which we are completely unaware of. If you didn't click the link to my site and read that line, then you'd still be in the dark. You wouldn't have undertaken the noblest of pursuits. You would not have explored.
You learn something every day.
Cheers.
Edit:
For more information on the Large Hadron Collider I highly recommend watching 'The Big Bang Machine'. It's floating around the net, and may even be on Youtube. It puts the whole thing in the simplest of terms, which is brilliant, because I'm certainly no particle physicist. I just think large-scale exploration is wonderful.
Bear with me, this short scientific spiel is important.
Depending on the sources people cite, or the currencies in which they operate, the LHC cost $6-10bn. It is the largest machine ever built by man, it is the fastest any matter has been made to spin by man, and it operates in an environment as close to Absolute Zero (-273.15 degrees Celsius) as we can get, all while being 100 metres below France and, at times, Switzerland. Is that not one of the most impressive things you have ever heard? Humans have dug a massive tunnel, have constructed an incredibly intricate system of inter-connecting pipes and magnets, and have constructed all of this with a margin of error of mere microns.
This is the pinnacle of human exploration thus far. Scientists are probing the structure of sub-atomic particles, examining the very fabric of reality and, according to some plebian scum, putting the world in grave danger. Why? Because it's there (or in the case of the Higgs Boson which physicists are trying to detect, because it may not be). Humankind is playing with what used to be the sole property of the stars, and it's terribly exciting.
For some, this is a staggeringly momentous occasion; the point where everything we know about physics and reality may depart us, leaving us to re-evaluate everything we thought we knew about, well, everything. For other people the experiment at CERN is a symbol of extravagant and wasteful spending. This saddens me greatly.
Where did the joy that filled the hearts of these people as children go? Do they not remember the euphoria they experienced when they reached the top of a previously unclimbable tree?
Exploration is what humans do. We ask questions. We travel over the horizon. We look to the stars, below the waves, beneath the earth, over the hill. And do you know why we do it? Because these things are there. Who knows what benefits will be reaped from the seeds of our effort?
In the olden days, and I use the term because it seems that in the eyes of many, these days are well and truly gone, explorers lived up to their name and trekked the mountains and sailed the seas in search of 'what was over there'. Columbus sailed west, looking for a faster route to the East Indies, but instead ran into the North and South Americas. Whether he actually landed there first or not is moot, because the fact is, he found something that he wasn't expecting, and look how it has improved the world today. New resources, new people, new ideas. I do not care about politics here. The world was made richer for his exploration.
James Cook went looking for Australia, because some jokers thought there might be something down there. The list of explorers and adventurers goes on and on, but the point remains: they changed the way we see the world. Their expeditions were expensive, people called them mad, but they persisted and everyone benefited.
The same goes for the LHC and other expensive scientific and exploratory endeavours. The Hubble Telescope. There, another marvel of engineering. Its original reflecting mirror was out by 4 microns. That is smaller than the gap you get between your fingers when you hold it up to a half-open eye. It is tiny, and yet it rendered the multi-billion dollar telescope useless until they made a new one. Naysayers clamoured for the program to be axed, because they did not appreciate the art of discovery. They were fools, because shortly after Hubble was restarted it gave us pictures like this:
http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire_collection/pr2004010a/
Is that not one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen? That is out there, beyond our world. Had people not persisted, we would have no appreciation of how large our galaxy is, no appreciation of how colossal our universe may be, no concept of how stunning the forces of the cosmos can be. We have benefited from experiments like Hubble. We can track asteroids that may one day smack into us. We can see deep into other solar systems. We may even find signs of life. It's exciting because once upon a time these things, as far as we were concerned, did not exist, and now they do, and that is amazing.
The desire to learn about our world is so strong that we went to the bottom of the ocean 'just to have a look', much like we trekked through jungles to find traces of people who once lived there. To what end? Why, to see what was there of course! It just so happened that along the way we stumbled across the reason for the demise of the Mayans of central American (they literally ate themselves out of house and home and had to move on). With this knowledge we can take steps to avoid repeating these mistakes. Finding a source of renewable geothermal power on the ocean floor would be a pretty massive achievement too.
The Japanese have created an organisation which aims to build a Space elevator (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article4799369.ece).
In short, it's a capsule which ascends wires into orbit. It'd be cheaper than rocketry, more environmentally friendly, and will allow the easy transportation of equipment and people into space. Whether they'll get it working or not is another story, but the fact remains that they are dead serious about it and are giving it their all. The price tag they have set is $9bn for the project which, all things considered, is pretty damn cheap. People wax lyrical about the virtues of spending this money on food and attempting to eradicate poverty but this simple fact remains: we don't know what can be gained by doing this, so we must do it to find out.
People are constantly looking for greener grass. They are looking for new jobs, new houses, new cars, new foods, new sources of energy, new ways of conducting business, new ways of improving our blue marble (psst, it's 'Earth'). People are exploring every day, whether they are conscious of it or not, and yet still have the nerve to call expensive forms of exploration a 'waste of time and money'.
Questioning our world and the knowledge and beliefs that govern it is of utmost importance. Without questions we stagnate and find ourselves living in an inferior manner to what is achieveable. The unknown is tantalising and, sometimes, better than the known.
Exploration is magnificent but it's the Discovery that is wondrous.
I started with the LHC because it is the greatest machine ever conceived by man, and it has been built in our lifetime. It is colossal, it is frighteningly cold and it is asking some pretty massive questions. 'How does matter have mass?' for instance. Did you know that physicists don't actually know why stuff has a mass? Based on what the smartest people on our planet know (and this includes Stephen fucking Hawking), stuff should not have mass, and yet it does. Finding out why could have far-reaching benefits which we are completely unaware of. If you didn't click the link to my site and read that line, then you'd still be in the dark. You wouldn't have undertaken the noblest of pursuits. You would not have explored.
You learn something every day.
Cheers.
Edit:
For more information on the Large Hadron Collider I highly recommend watching 'The Big Bang Machine'. It's floating around the net, and may even be on Youtube. It puts the whole thing in the simplest of terms, which is brilliant, because I'm certainly no particle physicist. I just think large-scale exploration is wonderful.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Choose your Rapper name carefully
'Eminem' is a reference to his real name, Marshall Mathers (the 3rd for anyone playing at home). 'M and M'. It makes sense, it's catchy, you can slur it, and you can turn the letters backwards to make it look 1337. In short, and as far as names in the music biz go, it's a clever and memorable one.
I discovered another name this morning and it's memorable for all the wrong reasons. This guy's name is Rodney Jerkins.
Yep, Rodney Jerkins. Let me say it again, 'Rodney Jerkins'.
I'm not lying either:
http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jacksons-reunite-at-bmi-urban-awards/12744
'Other BMI Urban Award winners included Soulja Boy, Polow Da Don, Rodney Jerkins and DJ Montay'
You can't tell me that Rodney Jerkins doesn't evoke images of a polite, yet rather stiff (dick joke number one) English butler. 'Would sir like some tea with his scones?'
'Yes Rodney, that would be delightful.'
'Excellent, sir. I shall have it served in the conservatory.'
'There's one more thing, Rodney.'
'Yes, sir?'
'Your full name is Rodney Jerkins, is it not?'
'Sir is correct.'
'That is a smashing name for a butler.'
'Thank you, sir.'
That's how I imagine every conversation involving anyone called Rodney to go. He has a stiff (number two) upper lip, a neatly-pressed shirt, and an impeccable, if somewhat sober taste, in suits.
At the same time, this is how I imagine the conversation went when Rodney-fucking-Jerkins parents told him his name for the first time.
'Yo dawg, I chose your name, wanna hear it?'
'Shoot'
'Rodney Jerkins'
'I fucking hate you'.
Feel free to insert more 'yo's', 'dawgs' and 'sups' in there where you feel appropriate.
Now, I'm fully aware that Rodney Jerkins is his real name, and I'm fully aware that he's a producer and not a rapper. But... really? If he changed his name when he was younger, I think everyone could understand (unless he came from an illustrious butling family). Jenkins I get - it's an old name, but Jerkins? Sure, it means 'Leather vest', but it isn't exactly hard-hitting is it? Wikipedia.org indicates that his nickname is 'Darkchild'. So at least he's on the right track, insofar as much that his badass nickname rated a mention.
Here's the clincher though. In the world of Eminems, Soulja boy (LOL, come off it man, learn to spell or get the fuck out), could it be that Rodney Jerkins has hit on the perfect marketing ploy? Could it be that by using his real name he shows that he doesn't care what people think and can use this to produce honest, quality music? Could it be that using his real and definitely giggle-inducing name has meant that he has become a standout in the industry? The latter, yes, the former, no. He produced Britney's 'I Love Rock and Roll' J.Lo's 'If You Had My Love', so I wouldn't call it honest or quality music. His name does stand out though.
Rodney Jerkins... really?
I discovered another name this morning and it's memorable for all the wrong reasons. This guy's name is Rodney Jerkins.
Yep, Rodney Jerkins. Let me say it again, 'Rodney Jerkins'.
I'm not lying either:
http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jacksons-reunite-at-bmi-urban-awards/12744
'Other BMI Urban Award winners included Soulja Boy, Polow Da Don, Rodney Jerkins and DJ Montay'
You can't tell me that Rodney Jerkins doesn't evoke images of a polite, yet rather stiff (dick joke number one) English butler. 'Would sir like some tea with his scones?'
'Yes Rodney, that would be delightful.'
'Excellent, sir. I shall have it served in the conservatory.'
'There's one more thing, Rodney.'
'Yes, sir?'
'Your full name is Rodney Jerkins, is it not?'
'Sir is correct.'
'That is a smashing name for a butler.'
'Thank you, sir.'
That's how I imagine every conversation involving anyone called Rodney to go. He has a stiff (number two) upper lip, a neatly-pressed shirt, and an impeccable, if somewhat sober taste, in suits.
At the same time, this is how I imagine the conversation went when Rodney-fucking-Jerkins parents told him his name for the first time.
'Yo dawg, I chose your name, wanna hear it?'
'Shoot'
'Rodney Jerkins'
'I fucking hate you'.
Feel free to insert more 'yo's', 'dawgs' and 'sups' in there where you feel appropriate.
Now, I'm fully aware that Rodney Jerkins is his real name, and I'm fully aware that he's a producer and not a rapper. But... really? If he changed his name when he was younger, I think everyone could understand (unless he came from an illustrious butling family). Jenkins I get - it's an old name, but Jerkins? Sure, it means 'Leather vest', but it isn't exactly hard-hitting is it? Wikipedia.org indicates that his nickname is 'Darkchild'. So at least he's on the right track, insofar as much that his badass nickname rated a mention.
Here's the clincher though. In the world of Eminems, Soulja boy (LOL, come off it man, learn to spell or get the fuck out), could it be that Rodney Jerkins has hit on the perfect marketing ploy? Could it be that by using his real name he shows that he doesn't care what people think and can use this to produce honest, quality music? Could it be that using his real and definitely giggle-inducing name has meant that he has become a standout in the industry? The latter, yes, the former, no. He produced Britney's 'I Love Rock and Roll' J.Lo's 'If You Had My Love', so I wouldn't call it honest or quality music. His name does stand out though.
Rodney Jerkins... really?
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